Love Will Keep Us Alive
by DOTMW
Summary: AU Oneshot. Will's choice has come back to haunt him... WillXLyra and I guess PanXKirjava...


_Love Will Keep Us Alive _

_Song by the Eagles_

_Book by Phillip Pullman _

_Story by Dotmw _

_I was standing, _

_All alone against the world outside_

The sun slowly flooded the sky with golden light, chasing the shadows and ghosts of the past night back in their dens for the day. Dawn greeted the world with the sounds of birds singing their morning melody mixed with the cacophony of people getting up and going to work. The world was awake and ready to start the day.

Twenty five year-old Will Parry woke as soon as the sun touched his face. He groaned, cursing himself for leaving the curtains open the night before. Finally he resigned to the fact that it was morning and opened his tired eyes. He slowly sat up; taking care to note that Kirjava was sound asleep on his pillow. He looked out the window at the vibrant and lively city of Oxford. Will loved living in Oxford; he had readily accepted his new home once he returned from his adventure. Will smiled. Home was where the heart is after all. And Will's heart resided in Oxford.

_You were searching_

_For a place to hide _

Will smiled as his eyes traveled to the sleeping figure next to him. He loved her when she was sleeping: it was the only time her fiery intensity didn't show. He gently stroked the girl's hair, taking care not to wake her…

Or her daemon.

Will took Pantalaimon's position into account as he gently snuggled up to his other half. Kirjava silently made her way over to where Pan was sleeping and lay down next to him. Will tore his eyes away from Lyra's sleeping form to shoot a glance at Kirjava; one that was half smug, half victorious.

_Lost and Lonely_

_You have given me the will to survive. _

_When we're hurting, Love will keep us alive._

Twelve years. It had been twelve years since they had made that fateful decision to leave his world and stay with Lyra…

_Flashback _

_The window closed. Lyra was gone._

"_Now…I must break…break the…" Will stopped. _

"_You've got to break the knife, Will." Mary said, trying to help._

"_Do I? I mean, who says I have to?" Will was pacing up and down the cobblestone street. _

"_Will, your father said we have to build the Republic of Heaven where we are…" Kirjava began. _

"_That's it! Don't you see Kirjava? That's the loophole I was looking for! Where I am is right here, so why can't I be there and still build it?" _

"_We'll die Will!" Kirjava jumped at his legs, panic creeping into her voice. "Ten years, Will! That's all your father had before he died!" _

"_But that which killed him!" Will argued fiercely. "We'll never really know how long he would have lasted if he had lived a normal life!" Kirjava looked away. He was right. Will gently forced Kirjava to look at him. "How long can we live here, Kirjava? I'll take the ten years in Lyra's world over the five years here before I kill myself when I go mad with grief!" Tears were streaming down Will's face. For a moment, boy and daemon stared each other down, trying to read the other's face. "Kirjava," Will said gently. "How can you live without Pan?" Kirjava gasped. Then she slowly nodded. _

"_We have no other choice, Will." Kirjava said finally._

_Mary sighed. "Well I'm glad that's settled. After you're done, we can go back to my house. Then we can find your mother and…" _

"_That's not what I meant, Mary." Will said taking the knife out of the sheath. _

_At once Mary knew what he meant. "You can't! What about you're mother Will?" _

_Will froze. Mary had brought Elaine Parry into the fight and it had changed the rules of the game. Who did he love more? Lyra or his mum? _

_Will brought his knife up, looking for a snag. When he found one, he looked coldly at Mary. The knife cut through, easily. Will closed the window, only to raise the knife again, this time placing a hand against Lyra's tear on his face. The knife made a horrible screeching sound as the blade twisted against the crack. Will pulled the knife back and looked at Mary. _

"_There you have it then. I've had to take care of my mother for my whole life, Mary. Don't you get it?" Tears rolled down his face as he choked back a sob. "I-I can't do it anymore…I'm only thirteen." _

_Mary looked at Will for a long time. Finally, she said. "Where is she?" _

_Will looked up. "At my old piano teacher's house."_

"_Give me the address. I'll find her and get her the help she needs." Will looked at Mary in shock. _

"_R-really?" he asked. _

"_I promised Lyra I would be a friend to you, Will. It's the least a friend would do." _

_Will smiled. He pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket and scribbled the address down. As he handed it to Mary, she held on for a little longer. _

"_You're not abandoning her, Will. It's not fair that you had to take care of your mum but if you never see Lyra again, well, that would be more than unfair; that would be wrong." _

_Will didn't know what to say. Mary pulled him into a tight embrace. "Thank you, Mary. Tell her I love her but I had to go." Mary gently disengaged Will's arms._

"_Go on, then! Lyra's bound to be getting on those boats soon!" _

_Will spun around and searched for the door to Lyra's world. He sliced it open, and with one final look at a smiling, crying Mary, he and Kirjava broke through._

_Will hit the ground running for the docks. He could see the boats preparing to launch. He leaped the low sea wall and ran along the beach. _

"_LYRA!" he called when he was in range of the boat. He ran up onto the deck and looked around. "Lyra!" he called again. The gyptian sailors looked at him in confusion. What was he doing here?_

"_Will!" A voice called to him. Will spun around only to be tackled to the deck of the boat by a sobbing, laughing Lyra, kissing him over and over again. _

"_Will! Why…" Will gently pulled her up and looked into her eyes. "You're…not going home, are you?" When he shook his head, Lyra cried out. "No, Will! You can't! What about the Republic…" Lyra was silenced as Will kissed her again. _

"_I got to build it where I am, don't I? Well…I'm here now." _

"_Stand aside! Stand aside!" a voice was cutting through the gyptian sailors. Serafina Pekkala cut through the crowd, looking at Will in shock. "Will! I…you…what are you doing here?" she demanded. Her expression hardened. "You have to get home! We're leaving and we're not coming back here! Now use the knife and cut through!" Will smiled and shook his head._

"_Will, you must!" Lyra tearfully demanded. "If not for you, do it for me! I can't bear the thought of watching you die!" _

_Will looked at Lyra who was staring at him with a mix of sorrow, happiness, and dread. "Lyra." Will said softly. "I'd would take my own life before losing you. I would have died without you and Kirjava can't live without Pan." He gestured to the two daemons that were playing on the deck. _

_Lyra smiled softly and sadly. "When you make up your mind…" she said as tears of sorrow and joy stained her face. "I can't stop you can, I?"_

"_Do you want to?" Will smiled._

"_Will…I know what you must be feeling right now, but you haven't thought this through! Do you have any idea of the gravity of your decision?" Serafina spat in a fit of panic. _

_Will looked Serafina in the eye. "Yes, I do." And with one hand he pulled Lyra into another kiss, the other burring the knife in a snag in the fabric of the world. He pulled away. "I love you Lyra Silvertounge." And with a horrible wrenching crack, the subtle knife shattered. The pieces scattered into the ocean and were lost to the frothy waves of Cigattze…_

Twelve years. Lyra and Will had moved into a small flat in Oxford a short walk from Jordan College. They had used Lyra's lying talent and Will's imagination to make a successful career as authors, even writing down their adventures in a trilogy of books. Life couldn't be better for Will and Lyra

_Don't you worry_

_Sometimes you've just gotta let it ride_

_The world is changing_

_Right before your eyes _

Will tried to sit up, but was forced back down again. He sat against the headboard, chest racked with pain. Twelve years hadn't been easy; The time had taken its toll on Will and Kirjava's health. Will was sick often and Kirjava had lost the sheen in her coat. Will tried to suppress a cough but was unsuccessful. A bitter hacking wheeze escaped is chest, waking the girl and her daemon.

Lyra's eyes fluttered open. "Will?"

_Damn, _Will thought. "Yes darling?"

Lyra sat up. "Will are you alright?"

Will cleared his throat. "Yes! Yes I'm fine!"

Lyra narrowed her eyes. "Will…"

"I just choked on some water, that's all."

"Will, what makes you think I'll believe that pitiful excuse for a lie?"

"I'm serious! I…just…"

Lyra lay her head against Will's chest. "I'm a master liar, love, and you're too honest for your own good. What's wrong?"

"I…just had a little cough, that's all."

Lyra looked up at the love of her life as he tried to pull a brave face for her. Will would say he was fine and then spend the morning in the bathroom, doubled over in pain. Lyra never said anything; he would just deny it. But Lyra could see it in his daemon's eyes; they weren't well.

_Now I've found you_

_There's no more emptiness inside_

_When we're hurting…Love will keep us alive_

"I worry, Will. You've lasted so much longer than you should have and…" Lyra trailed off. Will gently kissed her forehead.

"I'll survive. We've lasted a long time, and we've still got some fight left in us. We'll make it Lyra trust me."

They lay in each other's arms, basking in the early morning sun. The daemons snuggled under the sheets as Will gently stroked Lyra's hair.

_I would die for you_

_Climb the highest mountain_

_Baby there's nothing I wouldn't do _

Finally Lyra said. "Well, we should get to work. I just got to the part in the silver and gold grove...remember?"

"How could I forget?" Will smiled, lost in old memories. The final chapter was coming together and Will was eager to get it done.

"Come on!" Lyra said hopping out of bed. "We'll write over a nice breakfast. I think we still have some eggs; you can make us some omelets."

Will rose up to join her but fell against the bed again, clutching his chest. Lyra looked sadly from the doorway. "Just a moment!" Will said through his pain. "I'm fine, don't worry!"

_I was standing all alone against the world outside_

_You were searching for a place to hide_

Will tried to sit up, but he felt a gentle pressure on his chest. Lyra gently pressed him down against the pillows, lying on his chest to keep him from rising again.

Will looked at Lyra desperatly. "I'm…" Will was cut off as Lyra gently pressed her mouth against his. She pulled away and snuggled against his chest, pulling the covers over them.

"Breakfast can wait…" she said simply.

Will didn't protest for once. He slipped down until he was face to face with Lyra. He wrapped his arms tightly around Lyra's waist and let himself fall back against the sheets. She was right, he wasn't fine. They were sick, and as much as Will denied it, they were running out of time. Will sighed gently as he stared up at the ceiling. Did he make the right choice? If he could do it again, if he could be thirteen again and stand before that doorway with the knife in his hand, would he use it?

_Lost and lonely_

_Now you've given me the will to survive_

_When we're hurting…._

Will looked at the beautiful blonde who had fallen asleep in his arms. Outside the world carried on in the early morning sun; the birds were still chirping and the people were still heading out to work. But in that bedroom in the second floor window of the little Oxford flat, time had stopped. Oxford revolved around the lovers who had fallen still for one precious moment. Will looked at Kirjava who braved a smile. Yes, they decided. They would choose Lyra and Pan again in a heartbeat because life without them was hardly worth living. They would face whatever lay ahead without regretting a single second of it.

_Love will keep us alive…_

Will gently inhaled the scent of Lyra's hair with satisfaction. They would be alright; love would keep them alive.

* * *

_AN: awww… so what did you think? My first foray into romance. Review is you liked it, review if you hated it (but tell me why!). I don't own HDM or the song (Eagles)_

_Peace, Love and Rock and Roll_

_Dotmw_


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